Joke of the week: The 12 Days of Christmas -“EMS Style”

Posted: November 21, 2011 in News and Articles

The 12 Days of Christmas – EMS Style”

On the First day of Christmas, my Dispatcher gave to me…Grandma who fell and
hurt her knee…

On the Second Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me…2 MG of Narcan for
the out of work person who wants to end it all by taking her Husband’s pain
pills and won’t tell me what she took and is feeling suicidal….and grandma
who fell and hurt her knee.

On the Third day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me….Three stacked shocks
for the 88 year old man who instead of paying the neighbor kid 5 bucks to
shovel his driveway, decided to do it himself and have the big one in the
driveway…2 Mg of Narcan for the psycho chick trying to off herself…and
grandma who fell and hurt her knee..

On the Fourth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me….4 AM in the morning
I have to go to the nursing home because someone has had the flu for like 16
years and all of a sudden needs to go to the hospital….NOW,…Three Stacked
shocks for the full arrested popsicle, 2 MG of Narcan for Morphine eating
Momma..and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee….

On the Fifth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me…Five minutes to
eat…..4 AM shuttle call, Three stacked shocks, 2 MG of Narcan, and Grandma
who fell and hurt her knee….

On the Sixth Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me….Six run reports
behind because the computer guy can’t fix the system..Five Minutes to
eat!!!!!!!!!! 4 AM Shuttle, 3 zaps to the chest, gonna have a stomach pumped,
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee…

On the Seventh day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me…Seven car pile up
while everyone was trying to beat the light so they can get into Wal Mart the
day after Thanksgiving thinking there is only 4 dancing Elmo Dolls…six
reports behind…Five minutes to eat…….4AM is way to early, 3 stacked
shocks, 2 of Narcan Pushed, and grandma who fell and hurt her knee….

On the Eighth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me….Eight flights of
steps to walk up to get the 400 pound person who is having shortness of breath
since LAST Christmas and can’t walk…oh, and of course, the elevator doesn’t
work…7 cars a crunching, six reports a writing, Five minutes to eat. 4 AM
shuttle, CPR in progress, 2 MG of Narcan, and grandma who fell and hurt her
knee…

On the ninth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me Nine blankets needed to
cover up grandpa because he is freezing and we aren’t even out of the house yet
but thinks he will get pneumonia and die for all of the 10 seconds we are
outside…Eight flights of stairs, should have stayed home and bought off of
Ebay, six reporst I’m writing…Five minutes to eat…..What the Hell time is
it, should have paid the kid, 2MG of Narcan, and grandma who fell and hurt her
knee.

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me…Ten Minutes till I can
get a bed in the ER because the nurses are busy figuring out who is going to
lunch next….Nine blankets needed, Hope fire department is coming, 7 cars a
crunching, six reports I need to write, Five minutes to eat…Can’t you wait
till morning, sick a fork in him, he’s done, Man I hope she shuts up..and
grandma who fell and hurt her knee.

On the Eleventh day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me….Eleven times I
tried to get the heat to work in the back of the truck and maintainence won’t
take the truck in…ten minutes waiting, Nine blankets needed, eight flights of
steps to climb, Hope you have Progressive, Give me a new ink pen…Five minutes
to eat….4 AM is early, 3 Leads all show he’s dead, 2 MG won’t touoch her..and
grandma who fell and hurt her knee…

On the Twelth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me..a 12 Gague IV needle
that I put into the drunk 19 year old who tried to swing at me…it is really
freezing, Hope you choke on your sandwich, 9 blankets for grandpa, How did you
get up here in the first place, man your husband is gonna be pissed, six
reports STILL down…five minutes to eat…Better than taking them back, Hope I
recorded the code, Man, just pass out already…and grandma who fell and hit her
knee…

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!

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Comments
  1. Ryan says:

    EPIC!!! Thank you. Sounds about how my Christmas will be here.

  2. Great job. Very creative and funny. I also have rewritten Twas the Night Before an EMS Christmas.

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