Murphy’s Laws of EMS… Enjoy and Happy 2012

Posted: January 3, 2012 in News and Articles
  • Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is bad.
  • Try not to discuss “your day” at the family dinner table.
  • You may not install a “car catcher” on the front of the ambulance.
  • The more equipment you see on a EMT’s belt, the newer they are.
  • Examine all chest clutchers first, bleeders next, then the rest of the whiners.
  • When dealing with citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was wrong.
  • All bleeding stops… eventually.
  • You can’t cure stupid.
  • If it’s wet and sticky and not yours — LEAVE IT ALONE !!!
  • “Riding shotgun” does not mean you shoot the tires of non-yielding vehicles.
  • If at all possible, avoid any edible item that fire fighters prepare.
  • EMS is extended periods of boredom, interrupted by moments of sheer terror.
  • Every emergency has three phases: PANIC… FEAR… REMORSE.
  • A good tape job will fix almost anything.
  • Yuppies involved in accidents complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
  • It’s not a compliment when Policemen say you’re crude, crass & cynical.
  • The severity of the injury is directly proportional to the weight of the patient.
  • Turret mounted machine guns usually work better than lights and sirens.
  • Schedule your days off to avoid working during full phases of the Moon.
  • There is no such thing as a “textbook case”.
  • You’ve come to conclude 90% of all drunks are a waste of protoplasm.
  • Never refer to someone in respiratory distress as a “Smurf”.
  • Automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have had.
  • Your social skills will be lacking, if all your anecdotes deal with blood.
  • Assume every female between 6 and 106 is pregnant until proven otherwise.
  • Get very, very scared when a child is too quiet.
  • Don’t place bets on the glucose level of an unresponsive patient.
  • You cannot institute a surcharge for unruly or surly patients.
  • It is not necessary to have a pet name for your cardiac monitor.
  • As long as stupidity remains epidemic in the US, you have job security.
  • Don’t worry about the gunshot wound as much as dealing with the family.
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Comments
  1. Couldn’t help but laugh while reading this list. That said – LOTS of it is very true! Thanks for sharing.

  2. Charles Sorrow, NREMT-P says:

    How true they are! Thanks for the laugh.

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